How do you approach your lover?
You probably enter into sex with the mindset and goal of “giving her pleasure.”
It’s this approach that leads too many guys on a wild goose
chase for the “perfect” strokes and techniques. It leaves
you blindly seeking out every tip and trick out there,
furiously testing them out on your lover.
I hate to break it to you, but this is the wrong mindset if
you truly want to “give” her the pleasure that she seeks .
It sounds contradictory, I know. But it’s true, and here’s
why…
When you head into the bedroom with the goal of “giving”
her pleasure, you’re setting up expectations in both of
your minds. This approach will create pressure on both you
and your partner. Once you add
pressure to have pleasure and physical gratification, it is virtually guaranteed to
add some negative stress and anxiety during your intimate
times together.
And…as this stress grows, it will actually make it much
harder for her to cum.
Have you ever seen a football or basketball player “choke
up” during a game?
The fans, the crowds, the competition build up so much
pressure for the athlete to perform well that their focus
is diverted from the game and to their anxieties.
Ultimately, they wind up screwing up. Too much focus and
drive on your part to “give” the pleasure can have the same
effect on your partner.
If the stress and pressure get too high, she may be left
unsatisfied. And because you have set this “goal” to climax in first place, and now that the goal is unmet,
both you and your partner will be left feeling
disappointed.
If this approach is sustained, you may wind up anchoring
these feelings of disappointment to your times of physical
intimacy – carrying it over into your next sexual
encounter, further increasing her “performance anxiety.”
If you want to give her wild pleasure, you have to NOT focus on the
orgasm! Instead of focusing on the goal of climax and pleasure,
start focusing your attention on the pleasure of the
process.
The key is, if you focus on giving pleasure, and making
sure she ’s feeling good, that orgasm will come (no pun
intended.)
