Some women are definitely orgasmic because they can give themselves
orgasms through masturbation anytime they want to, but they can’t
have orgasms with their partners. A variation of this problem is when
a woman is orgasmic with one partner and anorgasmic (unable to have
an orgasm) with another.

Sometimes the cause of this problem is as simple as not having enough foreplay.
Other times, the reason is complex and requires therapy.

The key to making progress here is figuring out how to relax with your partner.
Because you know that you’re orgasmic, that knowledge should give you
some of the self-confidence you need to overcome the difficulties you may
encounter. In the first place, that knowledge gives you a fallback position. If
you don’t have an orgasm with your partner, you know that you can satisfy
yourself later. Remembering this may be important to developing the relaxed
attitude you need to have an orgasm with a man.
What you must do in a situation like this is to become a teacher. Think back
to your favorite teacher in school. More than likely, that teacher made you
laugh while he or she was teaching you. In the bedroom, as in the classroom,
having a sense of humor is very important. If you adopt a positive but lighthearted
attitude, you’ll be more likely to succeed.

This instruction session can be a highly erotic moment, if you let it. Start by
letting yourself fantasize about the session for a few days before it actually
takes place. Think about what you will do with your partner during this
show-and-tell session. Maybe you can even masturbate while you think about
it. The picture that you have to put into your head is not one full of stress
and worry, but instead one that has a warm, loving glow.
You can take two basic approaches to showing your partner what you need
to reach a climax, and you can choose either one or combine them.

• One is to show him how you masturbate without allowing him to take part.
• The other is for you to masturbate yourself using his hand.

To combine these approaches, you can start masturbating yourself and then
take his hand and guide it through the right movements. Explain to your partner
ahead of time that he’s not to take any initiative but just do whatever you
tell him to, which can simply be to lie back and watch. He has to carefully note
what you do to bring yourself to orgasm, and the sequence in which you do it.

Now, when his turn comes, he may not get it right the first time, and that’s
okay. Remember, you can give yourself an orgasm anytime, so if you don’t
have an orgasm during the first couple of sessions with him, don’t worry. If I
sense my client is very uptight, I order her not to have an orgasm just to take
the pressure off. This way, she can show him the motions she likes, and he
can try them, but orgasm won’t be the goal.