Some couples, when one partner’s health first fails, swear that they will stay
together and work things out. Keeping that promise isn’t always possible,
however. Sometimes the relationship ends because the healthy partner just
can’t find the strength any longer to take care of a disabled partner and still
manage his or her own life. In other cases it ends because the disabled
person places too many demands on the partner with too little consideration.
No matter how difficult having a disability is, a person with physical challenges
must be willing to give his or her partner a hand. Yes, you may have
lost certain faculties, but you have to be willing to exercise the ones you still
have to your fullest.
Because this site is about love making, let me address that particular subject. If a
man has an accident and, as a result, loses his ability to have erections, his
wife doesn’t have to spend the rest of her life sexually frustrated. If he can
still move his fingers, if he can still use his tongue, if he can hold a vibrator,
he owes his wife sexual fulfillment. If the man abandons his wife sexually
while at the same time asking her for all sorts of other help, then she may
not be able to bear all those burdens. The same holds true for a disabled
woman who withholds sexual favors.
If the healthy spouse of a disabled person who refused to engage in any sex
came to me, I wouldn’t necessarily advise that person to stay in such a marriage.
I may feel bad saying it, but I just might have to say that the healthy
person has to think of themselves too.
You should also remember that, besides sex, many other things form the glue
that keeps a loving partnership together. You have to tell your partner how
much you love him; you have to thank her for putting in the extra effort that
your disability may cause; in short, you must nurture your entire relationship
if you are going to have a successful marriage.
If you and your partner face a disability, I can’t recommend too strongly that
you speak to your doctor about sexual functioning. These days, medical help
is available. In the case of spinal injuries, the man may not feel an orgasm the same
way he used to, but he may be able to have an erection, ejaculate, and feel
pleasure from the experience. If your doctor doesn’t have the information
you require on this subject, be advised that facilities exist that have helped
disabled men with their sexual functioning, and make an effort to contact the
one nearest you.
